The Honeymooners Classic 39 Audio Wav's (Page 3)

"Pardon My Glove"

Pardon1.wav-- Ralph: Everything on here is good for you-- got carrots for your eyes, got beets for your blood. There's lettuce for your teeth. Everything's good. Everything's good for something on this plate. Norton: Poor little pizza ain't good for nothing.

Pardon2.wav--Norton: I'm telling you, if pizzas were manhole covers, the sewer would be a paradise.

Pardon3.wav--Ralph:Will you stop waving that thing? Norton:I thought you said it didn't bother you.Ralph: It doesn't bother me. You want to eat it, go ahead and eat it. Just don't eat it and enjoy it so much. Norton:You want some pizza?Ralph: Yes. Norton:You can't have any.

Pardon4.wav--Norton: It's not that I'm selfish, that I don't want to give you any. It's not any good for you, that's all. Ralph: I didn't ask you for 1/2 a pizza or 1/4 of a pizza or even 1/8 of a pizza. All I want is a teensy-weensy little piece to find out what it tastes like.Norton: Well, all right. I guess a teensy-weensy little piece won't hurt........ Ralph: And what am I going to do with that? Norton:What's the matter, it ain't enough for you? You want more? Here. Ralph: Yes, I want more.

Pardon5.wav:-- Norton: Look, if you wanted a teensy-weensy piece, why didn't you ask? This is an itsy-bitsy piece. This is a teensy-weensy piece. If you wanted an itsy-bitsy piece, which is bigger, then you should have asked. This is teensy-weensy-- Ralph: Sit down and eat!

Pardon6.wav-- Ralph: Hey. Norton:What? Ralph: What do you make of this? Norton:"Sandwiches, ice cream, coffee, cake with happy birthday, ralph on it." Hey, it looks like you're going to have a birthday party. Ralph: How about that? Norton: Yeah. This is a list of the people that are going to be invited. Ralph: How about that? She didn't forget my birthday. She's even going to run me a party. Norton: Yeah. It's too bad you're not going to be here to enjoy it. Ralph: What do you mean, I'm not going to be here? Norton:You're not invited. Your name ain't on the list.

Pardon7.wav-- Andre: Oh, uh, may I ask? When was this apartment decorated last? Alice:When? Uh, oh, it was about two years ago when my nephew came in with an ice cream cone.

Pardon8.wav--Ralph: Oh, what a surpri.......

Pardon9.wav-- Ralph(singing) Happy birthday, ralph happy birthday to you happy birthday to you ...happy...
whoop--happy birthday to you...happy birthday to you.... well, so it's upstairs, huh? Norton: What upstairs? What's upstairs? What? Ralph:The party. The party is upstairs in your place. Norton: If there's a party upstairs, what would I be doing down here dancing with you?

Pardon10.wav Ralph:Now, we saw the list of the food and the guests that were supposed to come. Norton:Hey. Ralph:And she's all dressed up. Norton: I think I got it. Ralph: A know how? Norton:Yeah. Alice makes out a list of the groceries she's going to get for the party. She makes a list out of the people she's going to invite to the party, and then she lets you find those lists right here, see? That's the surprise. Ralph: What? Norton: There ain't going to be no party! Ralph:Get out! Get out!

pardon11.wav-- Ralph: What are you doing all dressed up? Alice:Dressed up? You mean this old thing? Ralph:What do you mean, old thing? You've only had it a couple of years. Why are you wearing it tonight? Alice:I decided I'd break it in, and besides, Winston Churchill was here to tea, and I could greet dear old winnie in just anything.

pardon12.wav-- Norton: Alice been smoking cigars lately?

pardon14.wav--Ralph: She's anxious for me to go bowling so this guy can come here, and she can have a meeting with him? O.K. But I'm going to fool her. I'm going to fool her, Norton. I'm going bowling, but I'm not going bowling. Norton: You're not only going to fool her, you got me all mixed up

pardon15.wav-- Norton:Aw, now wait a minute. Wait a minute. I mean, you're not going to stoop so low as to go out there on that there fire escape and spy in here on your wife, are you? I mean, let's face it, that went out with the stone age, when people were uncivilized, that's all. I mean y-y-you can't-- you just can't do a thing like that today.Raph: What am I going to do? Norton:Do what any civilized man would do-- hide a dictaphone here in the room.

pardon16.wav-- Andre: Is it safe to come in? Is your husband gone?Alice: Oh, yes, it's safe. He's gone. He won't be home until late. Andre:Oh, good. You know... I feel a little uncomfortable about this. I usually like to get the husband's approval.Alice: Well, you know, right after you left, I was kind of thinking it over, you know, when you left this afternoon and I thought maybe I'd tell him, but, uh, it's so much more fun this way.

pardon17.wav- Andre:-Oh, by the way, did I leave one of my gloves when I was here this afternoon? Alice:Yes, you did, and I hid it in the drawer so ralph wouldn't see it. I'll get it for you now. Now, that's funny. I know I put it in here. Now, where do you suppose that could be?...Ralph:Ha ha! Ow! Where could it be, huh? I'll tell you where it is! Right there! And I'm going to stick it right down your throat, you gigolo. Alice: Ralph. Don't you Ralph me! So I'm old-fashioned, huh? I got old-fashioned ideas, and I'm difficult? Wait till you see how difficult I make it for him to put his hat on. He ain't going to have any head!

pardon18.wav--Norton:You don't want to go bowling. I mean, you don't want to go bowling now, do you? I'll go bowling. You don't want-- Ralph: (muttering) Get out of here.

Head of The House

house001-- Norton:You had a good question one night last week. Uh, must have caused a lot of controversy.
Dick Presscott: That must have been the one on whether or not the U.N. Should outlaw the h-bomb? Norton: No. No, this one....was which is more authentic, the canasi or the weehawken style of mambo?

house02-- Dick Prescott: in your house who is the boss, you or your wife?
Norton: I'd be very happy to answer that question. In my boss I--my household I am the boss of the household.I think that any man
that is afraid of his wife is not a man. And I can't stress this point too strongly--the husband is the boss.
Uh, don't quote me, because if my wife reads that, she'll kill me.

house03--Ralph:Well, norton, you just proved to me something that I've suspected about you for a long time.
Norton: What?
Ralph: You're afraid of trixie.
Naorton: Oh, wait a minute. You're in no position to talk to me like that. No, no.
Ralph: You're not inferring--all I know, pal, is that if he had asked me that question, I would have said without hesitation
that I am the boss of my household. I'm the one who gives the orders. I'm the one that makes all the decisions.
Ha. On the day we were married I said two things. 1--I do. 2--I'm the boss.
Dick Prescott: Pardon me, sir, what is your name?
Ralph: Ralph kramden.
Dick Prescott: Ralph kramden. Mr. Kramden, I'm going to print what you just said, O.K.?
Norton: Go ahead, go ahead, go, go, go, answer him. Go ahead, big shot. Go on. Go on.
Ral;ph: Go ahead and print it.
Norton: He's a bus driver, and he lives in brooklyn. Bus driver in brooklyn.

house04--Ralph: I am a boss, YOU are a mouse. Norton: well I have one more thing to say to you I'd rather be a live mouse then a dead boss.

house05--Alice: How could you, ralph? How could you? Five men, ralph. Five men answered this question,and you were the only one
to make an idiotic statement like that. Why, ralph, why?
Ralph: Because I was the only one brave enough to make that idiotic statement, that's why.

house06--Alice:Ralph, do you think if they'd asked me that question, I would have said that I was the boss?
Ralph: How could you? How could you, alice? You're a woman. Remember that. Women aren't bosses.
Men are bosses. Men. They do it all. Men run this world, alice. Men. They're responsible for the shape the world's in. Men.
Alice: Well, I'm sure glad to hear one of you admit it.

house07--Ralph: Men have done all the great things since the beginning of time. Give you a perfect example. There'd be
no america if it wasn't for christopher columbus.
Alice: There'd be no christopher columbus if it wasn't for his mother.

house08--Alice: I want you
to understand something once and for all. There never was, and there never will be a boss in this house.
Ralph: Now, let me straighten....you.. out.... about something. There has been, there is, and there always will bea boss in this house,
and that boss is me. I'm glad norton brought the paper down. I'm glad you saw it because today is the day that I was emancipated.
I'm the boss, alice, and you might as well get it into your head. And I'm glad about it, very glad I'm the boss. Very glad that you know it.
Practically calls for a celebration. I'm going to celebrate. Is that bottle of wine that I was supposed to give your brother for christmas
still in the closet?
Alice: Yeah.
Ralph: Well, then watch this.

house09--Ralph:Are you kidding? Drinking doesn't affect me.
Alice: Oh, no? Then how about the time we ate in that hungarian restaurant? You had a two-day hangover from a slice of rum cake.

house10--Alice: Now, you're not touching that bottle, ralph.
Ralph: Don't you ever tell me not to touch anything in this house. Just make sure you don't touch anything in this house.

house11--Ralph: Out of the way, girls, some men are going to do some drinking.

house12-- Ralph: Clear the field!

house13--Ralph; A little strong but good!

house15-- Norton pour away mine host

house16 Ralph: I feel like I got hair on my face.

house 17--Ralph: Everything's going real fast......... Norton: The table ain't level.

house18--Ralph: Somebody stole the bed.

house19--Ralph & Norton sing I had a dream dear..

house20--Trixie: Alice, a toast. I give you our husbands.
Alice: A toast. You can have them.

house22-- Ralph: Alice look, run right home now and start cooking!

house23-- Norton: Whoop! Water's "burlin".

house24-- Ralph: look out!
Norton: Oh, hey. Wait a minute. That is the wildest rice I've ever seen.

house25-- Ralph: Well, norton, our goose is cooked.
Norton: The chicken is a little well-done, too.